im going to be more determine.

by - Tuesday, November 24, 2009

thank you guys for the kind words it did help me out... i just thought we would be forever and that he would understand me with our circumstances, but i guess i was too much stress for him and causing him to lose feelings for me... my friend told me that god takes ppl away for reasons... but why is it such an unhappy thing though... im unlucky i think... never happy... so i try to make others happy. sigh~ my whole life i had more bad than good happen to me so im just confused what god has planned for me. if theres even someone else for me and how long will i have to be alone? all these thoughts come into play and idk sometimes... i just want to sleep away all the pain... but i wont im going to try to be a better person and let him go... maybe he will come back im not sure... stress overcomes both of us in the wrong times and ill move on someday... trying :)

so im going to go on project healthy! im going to ignore the critisism of everyone and just do things for myself and maybe ill find happiness on the way im not sure, but im going to eat healthier and cut out sweet drinks! try to fit excersize in my sched, find more time with friends, do more videos... lolololol im so stress on making videos... so many ppl ask for so many things im like x_x its like not good enough waaaaa! ill try lololol i am still trying to do different angles and lighting just bare with me my sweet youtubers. my confidence is at a low so im trying my best. my goal is to feel better about myself and be happy and healthier before the summer! im going to log in a journal of what i eat and what not so this should be interesting! ive been starting to eat oatmeal every morning and well... lol to tell u the truth i havnt been sleeping or eating right for the past couple of weeks... but im going to get back into track. i need to be stronger and yeah stop worrying about what ppl say or him... im going to change change change! ill be on blogger more ill so tryyyy!

hehe writing makes me feel so much better~ i cant find the words sometimes so i keep it in... i regret what i say a lot so i tend to keep quite... so writing though makes me feel happy and relieved~ so update on me.... parents sold our second salon so weve been fixing up the other salon and makin it pretty since its the salon that has been making the money lololol repainted and re-done everything! it looks a lot nicer! i gotten my eyelashes extended?! i done it before, but that was along time ago... its not finished yet ill prob finish tomorow but i love it.... getting to wear false lashes at all times? is a heck yes in my book! i cant wait to show pictures of it soon hehe! and black friday is coming upppp! i so want an ipod or laptop so so so badly! but i need a lot of makeup stuff.... LMAO as u can see my christmas list to myself... on the other side jajaja

i pretty much got sister and brother clothes and i think ill buy other brother mp3 player and parents.... i have no idea... my dad likes track suits.... and my mother... is a hassel... maybe kitchen appliances? ._.

mini haul till friday i guess but i had to get the dior primer... it makes me look refreshed and dewy? i really love it... ill take better pic so u can see it with it on! and ive been loving the bronzer from benefit? u can mix it with the posie tint and it makes this pretty bronzy blush... LOVE IT! urban decay... been loving golds and dark lips for the holiday... plus packaging is super cute!

and a look for work! i think ill duplicate the look for youtube vid. so christmas right? im getting pale lololol! im starting to match my beastly pastey lookin legs yay me! so yeah im loving golds lately... and pink pink lips! and i got my lenses from janie in not too long ago! i freakn love them! so so natural looking! and i also got the candy... series in grey too ill take pics next time with my done lashes! i love janie... even though she got a lot of mess on her hands she is a good seller. i mean i had some pretty bad ones... and its hard ya know when u have so many ppl order i mean there will be mistakes, but they are fixed as soon as they can so calm on now. she is sweet and if ur mean to her ill give... u a stern talking to!!! lololol~

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