March is soon ending.

by - Thursday, March 26, 2015

Hello my moon and stars. Its been a very long time and I have been so out of it these past few months! My birthday long and went and I have a huge ass haul that I havent used bc I have failed to record it any time soon! Birthday was in jan and its already the end of march... Time flies so quickly now and I have zero time for pleasures of the world. I find myself just working and going home to watch movies... Life of an introvert much? Dating scares the bajeezus out of me! I have horrible anxieties and I didnt realize it till now? At 27 haha! I thought I was bi polar or over dramatic as my use to be friends would call it... Is it like a disease? Is it cure able... This would explain my almost but failed miserably relationships. I need to find peace within myself and love me for me... This journey is so long and tedious, but I know I cannot have the future I want stuck in this sad body that I have and my mind set of the world. My heart hurts so much and my mind is frantic.

I have a new job working with disgusting people. It happens when you work in a large beauty industry... People here talk so much shit on the daily its ridiculous like... Do you? My bosses wife... Has this power trip and instead of making your employees have a nice work atmosphere she gives off this frantic vibe that makes you feel uncomfortable.. She is ocd and a perfectionist... It is hard to work with her or even talk to her! Her husband is chill and I work so much better in that vibe, but its only monday and tuesdays... rest of the week its her... 5 days of crazy. But I make so much more money than my old jobs... Busting my ass and keeping busy. Pretty much my life right now! work lots, pay bills, and go shopping on down time haha and not to mention eating out every night... Not good for the diet and getting pricey! I just get so tired and lazy when I get home! working 10hr shifts takes a toll!

As for my dating scene... I tried dating apps like okcupid, tinder, coffee and bagel and to my surprise theres so many guys willing to talk to me, but I feel like for the wrong reasons... Is it basically a fuck app or nah? They all seem so sweet at first, but I just give off a not interested vibe (anxiety kicks in) in a couple days after and convo falls short. I hate eating with ppl idk? I cant eat in public in general? Fear of ppl judging or something on my face haha like I need to look polished when Im out and about! I have this peacock exterior or vibe? Any time I leave the house I have to look decent. Just the way I am... Maybe the vietnamese blood in me. I am not so materialistic as I use to be, but I cant be coming out the house looking ratchet like thats a nono!

So this is just a little update on me... My lease is ending soon and I have to start packing! I wish to have my own place, but my credit is not all that great so apartments and having strangers come into your place... I hate it, but thats life... I wish I could of stayed young forever and not have to deal with the troubles of an adult. Maybe this is why I love peter pan so much haha that and alice... being in another world without troubles sounds lovely to me! I hope you have a great weekend!  xoxo

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